Bed of Roses

It took nine years first time I saw your face

I didn’t shed a tear filled with rage

Filled with fear of feeling again

If it wasn’t for my child I wouldn’t have made it through

Sitting on top of the world feeling so alone building a wall against myself and you

You tried to leave without saying goodbye

You thought you were protecting me

It only killed my insides

Numb to any love trying to come my way

I kept pushing until I pushed them all away

Swinging for life like a bolder

Once I caught my breath it felt like I was laying in a bed of roses

His Storm

Laying under his heart

As his fingers rested on my spine

He slept so peacefully

I felt safe for a second even in my mind

The only thought was how tight I held his arm

He made me feel so comfortable

I've never felt a calm like this before

I've never felt protected like this before

I would welcome his storm

They Fall Apart

Do I seem like I'm hard to trust?!

From the outside looking in

Through the shattered looking glass

Why don't they stay

Why don't they show what they say

Honesty is treated like a sin

Lies are treated like a gem

I'm not hard to trust

I'm hard to let in

Once they fall

They feel like they fall apart within

Take off your rose colored glasses

And let me in

Walls

They say it’s better to build a wall and not let people in

They say life passes you by like the wind

Every time I  take down one brick

I end up adding two more

Each brick is labeled with your name

I started to wonder if you are really out there

I’m filled with Love, Joy and Pain

Hiding behind the wall filled with heartache

I get lost and not sure what to say

Sometimes I want to be angry

Sometimes I want to be sad

Sometimes I just want to run away

In my head I’ve already packed my bags

Whirlwind

I started to become this person I no longer recognized. I started to shut down and spent most of my time in my head. I started to get angry to the point I could no longer cry. I wanted to say so many things to you. That I loved you and hated you at the same time. I wanted to tell you how empty I felt when you started pushing me away. Why did you come into my life like a whirlwind. I have been hurt before in so many ways but never like this. I have been in love before but never like this. I did what I could to get you out of my head but never like this. I loved that you made me open up and hated that you made me open up. I wanted to let you go and I decided to write this but never hit send. Sitting in my inbox sitting in my head. Every time I decided to write to you I decided to do this.. Letter to you letter to myself.

Epiphany

If I had a penny for every time we do this love hate thing I would have my own wishing well.

Looking at the bottom of the well, they all faced right face up except that one. I got lost in what felt like a love spell. The kind you only read in fairy tales. The water overflowed to the ground. My reflection was all that I saw standing alone.   
                                                        This was my epiphany. 

                                                I had to connect the two fish that ran through me

                                               One was strong the other was weak 
                                               One tugged at my brain 
                                               The other played with my heart strings smooth like a violin 
                                               I can't say I would want to feel any other way 
                                               Silver and green why did that intrigue me?

Let it flow

My Brain and heart can’t stop arguing at night

My brain is screaming will you just go with the flow

My Heart is screaming let the blood flow

So the next question is what is in the middle

Stop pulling on your own heart strings

Stop letting it control how you feel

You came way too far to go back down stream

So please go to sleep and get out of my brain 

Is this Love?!

What is love?

Love is amazing

Love is confusing 

Love can awaken your soul

Love can make your heart ache

Love can be confusing

Love will have you wondering 

Love will have you thinking

Is this love? 

Is this lust ? 

Is he/she the one 

Is this like the last one

Will this last in the long run? 

Will this make me happy in the long run ?

Will I hate you in the long run ?

How do I know ?

Do I take a leap of faith ?

Do I just look the other way and run ? 

I don't know if this is love

I don't know if my soul is involved 

I don't know if my heart is involved

I know my mind wants to know 

Is this love?! 

If I was asked what was my biggest accomplishment in life

It would be you!

Who would have known at 18 I would have had a child like you

That I would thank god every day for you

Who would have known that this child would help me grow

Who would have known this child would have been such a beautiful soul

Until this day and moving forward

You will always be my number one reward

You have grown into a beautiful rose

The concrete will never have a hold of you

 

 

Mr. Nice Guy

Why did it take me so long to recognize you?!

Mr. Nice Guy why did I look past you ?

I didn't think I deserved you

Now I'm lost in you

As I start to unravel you

Thread by thread I want to explore every bit of you

Staring into space

I caught a glimpse of you

I like  the scent of you

I like to be able to smile with you

At the same time be able to be so open with you