In The Kitchen

                                                 How I have changed in such a short time

                                                  She Said accept the CV in you
                                          I hear you speaking your language more often
                                           I see you embracing your culture a bit more
                                            I've noticed your hair has that CV touch with the Kinky curls
                                            When you speak you stretch out your letters a bit more
                                             I see you wearing your tribal prints Colors everywhere
                                              Now you are in the Kitchen baking
                                                your putting dinner on the table like your mother
                                                 You're spitting Knowledge like your father
                                           You're doing all the things you were taught but never embraced
                                                        So how about we both accept your culture

     

In My Thoughts

I sent him a kill bill text 

Had him feeling like beetle  juice 

Waiting in that line Like number check

Shrinking his head should have loved me instead 

When I stop caring I really don't give a fuck 

I  murdered you in my thoughts 

Gave you a piece of my mind made you see sparks 

The crime scene was a mess 

They said one shot to the chest 

I took half of your heart 

Placed it in my car 

I drove around for a while 


it was self-defense 

He came into my mind worked his way into my heart

He took my body every time raw

I thought he loved me but he just fucked with my mental 

Heels

I been in a mood

Choking on the thought of you

I just want to breath but the oxyxen fills my lungs

I’m not scared of anything but love

I’m not scared to stand alone

I’m not scared to sit on my throne

I’m not scrared to fight until I can’t fight anymore

The feeling of wanting someone

The feeling of  biting my tongue

Minding my business moving along

I tripped on the brick road

My heels got stuck as a reminder of you

Drowning

She was a great white shark on the outside

Mistaken as a maneater

Just trying to find her place on the ocean floor

On the inside she was swimming in opposite directions

Getting lost in a pool of love

Drowning in her own thoughts

Scared to come to the surface

Her lungs rapidly filled with air

Running back to the beginning of the circle

She broke all of her mirrors too scared of her own reflection

Scattered pieces all over the ground

Broken Pieces that could not be rebound 

Bed of Roses

It took nine years first time I saw your face

I didn’t shed a tear filled with rage

Filled with fear of feeling again

If it wasn’t for my child I wouldn’t have made it through

Sitting on top of the world feeling so alone building a wall against myself and you

You tried to leave without saying goodbye

You thought you were protecting me

It only killed my insides

Numb to any love trying to come my way

I kept pushing until I pushed them all away

Swinging for life like a bolder

Once I caught my breath it felt like I was laying in a bed of roses

His Storm

Laying under his heart

As his fingers rested on my spine

He slept so peacefully

I felt safe for a second even in my mind

The only thought was how tight I held his arm

He made me feel so comfortable

I've never felt a calm like this before

I've never felt protected like this before

I would welcome his storm

They Fall Apart

Do I seem like I'm hard to trust?!

From the outside looking in

Through the shattered looking glass

Why don't they stay

Why don't they show what they say

Honesty is treated like a sin

Lies are treated like a gem

I'm not hard to trust

I'm hard to let in

Once they fall

They feel like they fall apart within

Take off your rose colored glasses

And let me in

Walls

They say it’s better to build a wall and not let people in

They say life passes you by like the wind

Every time I  take down one brick

I end up adding two more

Each brick is labeled with your name

I started to wonder if you are really out there

I’m filled with Love, Joy and Pain

Hiding behind the wall filled with heartache

I get lost and not sure what to say

Sometimes I want to be angry

Sometimes I want to be sad

Sometimes I just want to run away

In my head I’ve already packed my bags

Whirlwind

I started to become this person I no longer recognized. I started to shut down and spent most of my time in my head. I started to get angry to the point I could no longer cry. I wanted to say so many things to you. That I loved you and hated you at the same time. I wanted to tell you how empty I felt when you started pushing me away. Why did you come into my life like a whirlwind. I have been hurt before in so many ways but never like this. I have been in love before but never like this. I did what I could to get you out of my head but never like this. I loved that you made me open up and hated that you made me open up. I wanted to let you go and I decided to write this but never hit send. Sitting in my inbox sitting in my head. Every time I decided to write to you I decided to do this.. Letter to you letter to myself.

Epiphany

If I had a penny for every time we do this love hate thing I would have my own wishing well.

Looking at the bottom of the well, they all faced right face up except that one. I got lost in what felt like a love spell. The kind you only read in fairy tales. The water overflowed to the ground. My reflection was all that I saw standing alone.   
                                                        This was my epiphany. 

                                                I had to connect the two fish that ran through me

                                               One was strong the other was weak 
                                               One tugged at my brain 
                                               The other played with my heart strings smooth like a violin 
                                               I can't say I would want to feel any other way 
                                               Silver and green why did that intrigue me?

Let it flow

My Brain and heart can’t stop arguing at night

My brain is screaming will you just go with the flow

My Heart is screaming let the blood flow

So the next question is what is in the middle

Stop pulling on your own heart strings

Stop letting it control how you feel

You came way too far to go back down stream

So please go to sleep and get out of my brain 

Is this Love?!

What is love?

Love is amazing

Love is confusing 

Love can awaken your soul

Love can make your heart ache

Love can be confusing

Love will have you wondering 

Love will have you thinking

Is this love? 

Is this lust ? 

Is he/she the one 

Is this like the last one

Will this last in the long run? 

Will this make me happy in the long run ?

Will I hate you in the long run ?

How do I know ?

Do I take a leap of faith ?

Do I just look the other way and run ? 

I don't know if this is love

I don't know if my soul is involved 

I don't know if my heart is involved

I know my mind wants to know 

Is this love?! 

If I was asked what was my biggest accomplishment in life

It would be you!

Who would have known at 18 I would have had a child like you

That I would thank god every day for you

Who would have known that this child would help me grow

Who would have known this child would have been such a beautiful soul

Until this day and moving forward

You will always be my number one reward

You have grown into a beautiful rose

The concrete will never have a hold of you

 

 

Mr. Nice Guy

Why did it take me so long to recognize you?!

Mr. Nice Guy why did I look past you ?

I didn't think I deserved you

Now I'm lost in you

As I start to unravel you

Thread by thread I want to explore every bit of you

Staring into space

I caught a glimpse of you

I like  the scent of you

I like to be able to smile with you

At the same time be able to be so open with you

Graffiti

I lost my smile for a few days

I was hoping it was over the hill at the end of the rainbow

My heart covered in rose peddles

Reaching out like tree branches to the leaves

I can't pretend I'm not in daze

Your love was written all over my face

I went back and forth about the sunny days

I pulled out my umbrella to hide the pain

Dripping down my face 

Like graffiti you cannot be erased

It used to be a beautiful mural

Now it is tagged like gang signs

I repainted it  white

Started all over with one stroke

The colors started to overflow 

One more time I said

One more love I said

One more kiss I said

One more time I gazed in your depth

One more time but never did I regret

How I loved you so



How do you erase someone from your soul ?!

I listened to comfort inn

The music started to soak in

My thoughts started to soak in

The writing started to repeat again again

Your face your smile in my brain cells 

Soul Mate

I wear the pain on my finger like a wedding band

Songs in the background like a marching band

What is the right thing to do or say?!

I love you doesn't sound right either

I hate you doesn't sound right either

At this moment I choose neither

I always speak my thoughts

You have blurred my thoughts

So if I speak sideways

I’m just counting your ways

I can't seem to get rid of these knots 

If he could he would rent space in my thoughts 

Internal sunshine of the spotless mind If I could erase the memory would I ?!

Thinking About US

I’m falling back tonight

Not even thinking about us tonight

You want to love me?

You want to hug me?

You want to &^&^  me ? 

Start thinking about we!

Take me off chill and offer me your key

I will unlock your heart

I will screw your mind

I don’t have to think about us

When all I been thinking about is we

Lost in sound

For the life of me

I Can’t understand why I allowed you to take the light from me

I hate watching you spiral out of control

Like you have no handles

One day you are OK

The next day you're NOT

The friendship will forever be there

But for the moment I cannot be there

I will help you when you are down

But Can’t allow you to push me to the ground

I thank my mother for my heart My father for my mind

If I didn't have this mix

I would be forever be lost in your sound

Quote of the month

                   Standing like an imprint on the wall 

 Push Hard never watch me fall

Standing like an imprint on the wall 

Push hard never watch me fall 

Love Lost

I saw my first love in passing

He Smiled

I Smiled


His Smile was like the Boston Skyline

When I looked into his eyes, it was like counting stars

Trying to connect the dots


All the while we never had a moment to apologize

Life passed us both by

The glance he gave knowing he was my soulmate from another lifetime

I could never say how sorry and happy I was

Looking back we didn't have a clue


For a brief moment we stood in silence

I apologized, he apologized

without even saying a word

You will always be my first love so no love lost

As we both walked on by

the only thought I want to be left of you is that Smile